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Searching for Smiles

January 16, 2012

When Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, ’tis like the morn in Spring.
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing.
When Irish hearts are happy,
All the world seems bright and gay.
And when Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, they steal your heart away.

You should have seen her then. She was different then. It’s something I can’t really put my finger on. Her smiles were bigger and brighter. When she looked at you, she looked at you.

Now she’s different. Sure, she’s still happy and she still smiles, but not like she did then. I realized it when my son was so obsessed with whether or not she had laughed at her favorite part of Finding Nemo. If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll remember the part where Dori (played by Ellen Degeneres) tries to speak Humpback (whale). Anyway, it has always produced a full belly laugh from my little Mary.

Why would we notice so clearly and with such certainty exactly which things make her laugh? Because it doesn’t happen very much I guess. Strange. That said, she doesn’t cry much either. I don’t know enough to know if this is an autism thing or just a Mary thing.

Stranger still, are the unexpected fits of laughter. She can be sitting, lost in thought and then just start laughing uncontrollably. It is a wonderful joyous sound. Her laughter is a high-pitched, wheezy toddler laugh. It is infectious. I suppose she must be remembering something funny.

There are so many things working around in my head right now; friends I am worried about, test results that we are waiting on for Mary, an ITSP meeting for Joyce this week, this exciting but complicated move we are about to make..

Really, I shouldn’t be obsessing on getting a two-year old to smile at me just the way she used to before so much changed.

But, wow, it is an amazing smile when you do get a glimpse of it. When she really engages. It is amazing.

I’ll let you see a glimpse of it too. Then maybe you’ll understanding why our family is always searching for her smiles.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2012 4:19 pm

    I found your blog and have read some of the entries.. I have an Aspergers child, and a full life of ups and downs besides. I really enjoyed reading your words, your joy, your hope.
    Thank you so much for sharing. If you have a second, maybe you could peek at mine too.
    Carry on!! Peace to you and yours.. especially your dear friend.

    • February 12, 2012 4:54 pm

      Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words. I look forward to reading more of your stories as well. Blessings.

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