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No Net

July 25, 2012

“One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.”
~Helen Keller, The Story of My Life

This seems so silly, but in my own heart, it is huge.

I gave away Mary’s walker today.

She hasn’t used it since last November, but the doctors kept assuring me she would regress. Every house and school we look at, I study for wheelchair/walker accessibility. Just in case. Just in case they are right.

But she hasn’t lost any gross motor skills. Every day, it becomes harder to believe the doomsaying doctors. Each appointment comes and goes, with them ruling out more of the scary stuff that they keep suggesting she has. Each day she gets stronger.

So I let it go today. It wasn’t easy. In fact, I was surprised at myself for having such a difficult time with it. Mary’s PT gently reassured me that even if we ever needed the walker again, Mary has made so much progress that it would take a long time for her to regress that far. By then she would have outgrown this one anyway. You see, no one can promise me we won’t need it again.

It seems like a little thing. I’m Irish. This flies in the face of Murphy’s Law. I feel a little like we’re tempting fate. But letting go of that safety net feels like giving Mary permission to fly just a little higher.

Today I gave away the walker. Today, I gave into the fear for a few moments, and then I let it go. I let it go because Mary deserves a mom who believes completely that she will continue to succeed. She deserves a mother who will dream for her and who can actually believe in all of those dreams. Holding onto that walker when she didn’t need it, and will never need it again, was holding onto a safety net that she will never need to fall into.

She will soar. It is not my job to stop her. It is not my job to doubt. It is my role to cheer for her, to support her, to encourage her. It is my role to believe in her completely and without reservation. It is my job to watch her fly.

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Mary standing for the first time

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Mary trying out her loaner walker while we waited on insurance for hers

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Mary at the new accessible playground with her walker 

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Off-roading

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Walking at the playground this past spring

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She can even walk in the sand now

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 25, 2012 5:16 am

    Beautiful photos. She has come a long way. She doesn’t need the walker – she has you. I understand you not wanting to let go but this is a good letting go. She looks lovely on the beach.

    • July 26, 2012 2:13 am

      She really has come so very far, and it’s great that other people (people who are not me!) can see it so clearly. It does feel good, a day later, to have let it go. Thanks. 🙂

  2. Life and Ink permalink
    July 25, 2012 2:21 pm

    She just makes my heart sing the loveliest song!

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